I wrote this when I was still in medical school. Now that I am already working as a medical officer, I have witnessed more deaths than I can imagine. I don't feel the way I felt before. I think I only feel that.. We could do better to make them alive. But who am I to lawan perjalanan takdir, right? We did tried our best. However, most of them can't be helped even after all the effort we have given. Some came at a late presentation, some just not lucky enough to survive. We also prayed for, no mortality meeting please haha. definitely NOT a state level mortality meeting :P. On serious note, I guess being a doctor is a blessing. You'll be reminded of death quite frequently. You can learn to be more grateful as you attend to people who get sick every single day. Not a day you can see an empty ward or empty emergency room.  

Seperti Rasulullah SAW bersabda yang bermaksud:
" Rebutlah lima perkara sebelum datangnya lima perkara. Masa sihat sebelum sakit. Masa kata sebelum datangnya sempit(miskin). Masa lapang sebelum tiba masa sibuk. Masa muda sebelum datang masa tua dan masa hidup sebelum tiba masa mati" 

Yesterday, a patient died when I was on-call. He suffered from chronic lung disease. He was really suffering, he was so restless, having difficulty for breathing, gasping for air. His family members decided not for further medical support as they want him to go naturally. But actually it took him few days before he took his final breath. This reminds me of how my last presentation to Allah would be. I prayed that I will have a good ending, presentable to my Lord. It is so scary to imagine yourself died while doing sin. Minta jauh sangat - sangat. Anyway, Alhamdulillah for all the blessings. Have to find ways to show my gratitude for Him.

thoughts on India

It was a random decision to finally agreed on joining a group of friend who are going travel to India. I took everything on consideration, the budget, the travel buddy, the season and of course the timing itself as I was planning to do Umrah this year. Does it going to worth it? I hope so. It never crossed my mind to visit India this year. My thoughts on India is that it has negative and positive sides. The one that I looked forward to is, the beautiful architectures, bright colours everywhere, of course I would like to try the food, and I recently interested to go to Kashmir after watching the film Bajrangi Bhaijaan. I saw multiple beautiful pictures on Instagram. So excited to explore India! While the negative sides would be, that it is a crowded place, people talking loud, lack of hygiene in view of stuffed environment. and the fact that some says the men in India being a bit sceptical toward women.  what do I know, right? I only watched Bollywood movies so I don't really able to picture how it's like in India. Anyway, I hope that I get the best experience in India and hopefully will change my view about the country. 

Boleh bah kalau kau

07. 03. 2017 marks my one year of service in Hospital Beaufort, Sabah. Ok bah Sabah ni. I still remember clearly the first day I stepped into Hospital Beaufort, the office staffs, staff nurses, were so warm and friendly. The smile on their face when they saw me, were priceless. At that moment, I felt like I am most welcomed here. That's when I said to my self, I can go through this! I was actually so worried at first, and I know my parents worried more. I knew nothing about Sabah. None at all! But Alhamdulillah for those people around me, worry no more. Here I am, still standing.